please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
