ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
