Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
