Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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