you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
