I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
