1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
