After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
