pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
