Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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