I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
