So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
