He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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