I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
