I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
