please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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