Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
