Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
