I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
