I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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