Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
