You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
