He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
