If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
