He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
