I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
