The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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