"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
