Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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