Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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