Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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