Michael Bay diarrhea
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
