Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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