so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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