walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
