those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
