Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
