what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
