Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
