she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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