Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
