I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
