Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
