when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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