i think my tv is drunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
