We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
