if you like me you must not know who I am
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
