guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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