3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
