dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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