I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
