he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
